Saturday, April 26, 2014

Before It All Starts Tumbling Down

I believe that putting too much thought into what you write spoils the spontaneity of it all. That being said, I should probably think carefully about what I'll blog so it doesn't come back to bit me in the behind as I have seen happen to many people out there. As a mater of fact, this is one of the things that annoys me about social networks. Blogging, like everything else you do online, should be something you do to keep your sanity, in my mundane opinion. I mean, you write about things you can't share with the people around you, or even those that you can, but must also share with the world. I can understand things like that you know?

Not everyone wants to hear everything you have to say and show, and not everyone puts true value into what we share. Which is a pity, but things are as they are. I'm not saying I remember 100% of the things that come out of people's mouths, but I do try to at least give them the courtesy of my attention. When you share something it's because it is somewhat important to you, and people, at least the ones who are a little closer to you, should respect that. However, once again, the ever growing technological screws it up for everybody by making it seem like people who share their feelings on a blog are practically begging to be judged and misunderstood. 

I for one believe that everybody has different phases in their lives, and as each phase emerges, so does the need for different outlets of emotions. Be them good or bad.

I guess in a way this will all sound like a big excuse to post things online and then be mad when people judge me or think they know my life because I opened up on a brief moment of weakness. To be honest, I am both scared and annoyed by that, so I'll go right ahead and post what I deem fit, and I'll fully deal with whatever consequences result from that. I hope truly, none too bad.

I have to say, writing my thoughts down makes it easier to put everything I have to think about into perspective. I know this isn't as simple a task as it seems, but I truly believe that if you can manage to voice your thoughts in clear, concise sentences, then you can always understand and be understood by people. After all, emotions are so misleading sometimes to a outsider's eye, that it helps if you can "put captions on the picture", if you will.

I for one hate the feeling of being trapped. Not just physically, but emotionally trapped. You feel like your heart wants to literally pound its way through your chest. You hyperventilate and end up wide awake for hours or fall asleep as soon as the overwhelming feeling takes over. I think the worst part is the panic and the shortness of breath. It's literally like feeling claustrophobic without the environmental conditioning. It's just you, your brain and your emotions, all three trying to make sense of what is happening. And all three getting frustrated that they can't.

I guess that's why I've been going to bed at 6 am and sleeping 'till noon. It's not something I like to do you see. It's just.... something.... that happens when you have way too much to think about. Some nights, I wish I could turn my brain off. Like a candle really. Just blow and woosh! It would be all dark and quiet and sleep would consume me until the day after.

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